she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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