I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
