He had one of those small greek statue penises
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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