oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
