i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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