my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
