Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
