Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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