I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
