I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
