He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
