that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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