he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
