I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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