and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
