got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
