I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
