remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
