so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
