??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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