Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
