I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
