saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize