for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
