Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Your cock deserves a montage
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
