I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
