do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
