take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
