I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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