I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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