your room smells of hookers.
And success
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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