I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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