Sry I called you an 8
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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