If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
