i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
