Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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