This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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