my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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