I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
