My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
