Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
