he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
