She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
