could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
