Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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