He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
