i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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