I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
