whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
