I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
