Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
