I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
