There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
