her vagine was all disorganized.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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