I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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