Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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