all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
