I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
