He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
