dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize