yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
