Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
