I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
