I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize