$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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