ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
