Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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