He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
